How Do You Know When It’s Time to Say “Yes”? Leo and Mateja’s Story

When a “Yes” Grows Over Time

At the grotto in Lourdes, surrounded by friends from their community, Leo asked Mateja to marry him.

She did not expect it. There was emotion, joy, and surprise. But when Mateja looks back on that moment, what she speaks of most is gratitude and peace. Her “yes” was not born that afternoon. It had been growing for years through prayer, conversations, doubts, times of crisis, and their desire to discover together what God was asking of them.

This raises a question many young people may ask while dating: How can I know whether this relationship is called to marriage?

It is also one of the questions running through YOUCAT Love Forever. The book invites readers to look beyond the feelings of the moment and ask whether two people are truly called to give their lives to each other with freedom, responsibility, and fidelity.

Leo and Mateja’s story does not offer a formula. But it shows how questions on a page can become part of real life.

An answer that did not come all at once

Leo cannot recall an exact moment when he knew Mateja was the person he wanted to marry. As they got to know each other, their desire to build a family together also grew.

An important moment came during a retreat in August 2025. In prayer, Leo felt he needed to take a step: open his heart more, speak concretely about their future, and entrust the relationship to God.

But discernment did not mean receiving an immediate answer.

There were doubts, fears, and even crises. And it was precisely there that something essential began to take shape: discerning a relationship means learning to look beyond the intensity of feelings and asking what kind of love is being built.

For Mateja, that meant not skipping steps. Getting to know each other. Speaking openly. Praying together and separately. Giving it time.

In simple terms, discernment means taking time to listen to God, to your own heart, and to reality before making an important decision. It is not about waiting for a magical sign or achieving perfect certainty. It is about learning to choose freely and responsibly.

When love needs freedom

For both of them, freedom was essential.

From the beginning, they knew either of them could say “no” and end the relationship. Far from weakening their bond, that possibility gave their “yes” a deeper meaning.

For a period when they were living apart—Mateja in Croatia and Leo in Rome—they even decided not to communicate for a while. They wanted to make room for silence and step away from the “noise and fears” that could influence their decisions.

Leo and Mateja’s experience can also help readers explore the relationship between love and freedom. YOUCAT Love Forever asks: “Does dating someone mean losing my freedom?” (page 67). For this couple, freedom meant being able to choose without pressure and knowing that both could say “no.” That is precisely why their “yes” to marriage could be a truly free decision.

Freedom also allowed them to get to know each other as they really were, beyond idealization. They discovered differences, weaknesses, and faults, but also gifts and beauty.

Leo says that with Mateja he feels like home: accepted and loved without being judged. It was precisely by going through difficult moments that they understood loving someone is not simply about feeling something for them, but about learning to welcome them and remain by their side in real life.

You do not have to discern alone

Leo and Mateja’s journey also shows the value of having someone who helps you see your own life more clearly. To explore this further, turn to page 25 of YOUCAT Love Forever: “People tell me I should find a spiritual director. What is that?”

Leo and Mateja make a path in the Shalom Catholic Community. Along the way, they have had formation leaders, friends from the community, priests, and different experiences of marriage preparation.

For Mateja, this guidance mattered because they had people who listened, asked questions, prayed with them, and helped them see their relationship more clearly.

To accompany someone is not to decide for them. It is to help them listen more carefully and make a freer, more responsible decision.

Retreats were important moments too. One came after a difficult period in their relationship. Another, in Assisi, led them to reflect on the witness of Chiara Corbella and the hope of eternal life.

Through these experiences, they came to understand that marriage is not simply a decision to stay together. It is a vocation: a call to give themselves to each other and build a shared life with God.

From a story to a decision

Lourdes holds a special place in this story because, for Leo, it was more than the setting for his proposal. Lourdes and Acamps marked different moments in his journey of faith and discernment.

His journey had begun long before. In 2018, he attended his first Acamps, an international summer camp for young people in his community, in Budapest. That encounter deeply shaped his relationship with God. In 2022, he came to Lourdes for the first time as a volunteer, bringing questions about his vocation. A year later he returned, now at a different point in his life, giving thanks for what God was doing.

At one point, Leo asked Our Lady that he might one day return to Lourdes with Mateja.

When he learned that Acamps 2026 would take place there, that possibility took on special meaning.

Almost eight years after his first Acamps, he asked Mateja to marry him.

She said yes.

For Mateja, that moment had special meaning too: the proposal took place at a Marian shrine, within the community that had accompanied their story from the beginning. Her “yes” reminded her of Mary’s “yes”: a response given in trust without knowing every detail of the road ahead.

But that “yes” did not close the process. Their engagement now opens a new time of preparation and discernment before marriage. To explore this stage further, turn to page 84 of YOUCAT Love Forever. For Leo and Mateja, this is exactly the stage they are entering now: continuing to get to know each other, preparing for the sacrament of marriage, and discovering what it means to build on rock, with God and on God.

And you?

Leo and Mateja’s story does not tell another couple when to marry or how to live their relationship. Their path was their own.

But it may leave anyone who is dating with a question:

Am I simply trying to find out whether this person makes me happy, or am I willing to discern what kind of life we are called to build together?

That is one of the contributions of YOUCAT Love Forever: rather than offering ready-made answers, it asks questions that help us look more deeply at love.

Perhaps the first step is simple: set aside time to pray, speak honestly with the person you love, and ask, without fear or pressure: What are we building together? Where is God in our relationship? Are we truly free to say “yes”—and also “no”—to this path?

As Leo and Mateja discovered, discernment does not mean having all the answers from the beginning.

It means learning to walk with God until you can give a free answer.